Connectedness or Isolation?

I read an article today called The Myth of the Lonely American by Dave Gilson (http://motherjones.com/media/2012/02/eric-klinenberg-going-solo-singles). It advocates to contentment and happiness of single people. He cites certain studies that conclude single people seek out their neighbors and volunteer within the community more than couples. After carefully considering his logic, I wonder why these single folks are seeking these opportunities. Are they looking for some connections with their fellow human? If so, wouldn't that champion the argument that people long to be connected in some form of relationship? Obviously, I believe so. I am curious what you think. Check out the article link above and then consider my questions here. Then, weigh in with your thoughts on my blog.


I think that many confuse loneliness with solitude. Loneliness is awful. It is a condition of seeking a relationship (friend, lover, family) that remains elusive. It keeps one up at night either crying or tied in knots. It breeds resentment and anger for not being able to acquire that which is sought. Over time this loneliness brings a form of violence either onto others or ourselves. We may retaliate against those we seek in vein or others who attempt to connect with us. We rationalize in our sub-conscience that "if I can't have it then no one can." Or we allow the volcano of anger to spew molten self-loathing. We submit to the lie that since we are not accepted we must be unlovable.


Henri Nouwen explains the result of loneliness best. "Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope: 'May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.' But as long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burn-out. This is the way to spiritual death."
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World


Solitude is the practice of facing ourselves in silence. We enter the silence in order to quiet the outer distractions of our lives. It is there that we find peace, rejuvination, and truth. Solitude is a necessary practice of any individual looking to not just survive but thrive in this life.


So when you ask yourself if you would prefer connectedness or isolation, listen to your thoughts when the day becomes quiet. If you are like me, you will probably hear two distinct voices. One is full of cynicism saying, "Screw them, they don't know a good thing when they see it. You don't need them." The other is crying out with hope, "What if I am being too critical of them. Maybe they are going through something I just don't understand. Remember my worth is not tied to that person's viewpoint."